This isn't goodbye
by TheFabDonna
Summary: Natalia is leaving town, and it's now or never for Olivia. ONE-SHOT.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Guiding Light, Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Rafe Rivera or Emma Spencer/Spaulding, CBS, TeleNext and P&G do. I am only borrowing them for my own satisfaction, I promise to return them when finished, and in the same shape as before.  
**Rating**: PG-13ish. I am really really bad at ratings  
**A/U**: Kinda, sorta. My take on the first kiss speculation and Jessica's maternity leave.  
**Author's note**: This is my first ever Otalia fanfic and I am kinda scared to post it, cuz I usually have to really get to know a fandom before writing for it, and Otalia however obsessed ahm... Invested I currently am, I have only been into for 4 months, tops. Constructive criticism is welcomed, how else will ever improve. But please be kind, it's my first one after all... I also dedicate this one to the girls over at Team Scandinavia on BPD.

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Olivia was looking at Natalia, who was looking back at her. Neither one could find the words they were looking for. Both knew what had to be said, but neither wanted to start. However, heartbreak was apparent in both women.

"I wish I could come with" Olivia finally dared to say, knowing that she couldn't.

"I know." Natalia said, and tried to smile, but the idea of leaving Olivia and Emma was too heartbreaking for her smile to reach her dimples. "But you can't..."

Olivia knew. Olivia knew that she had to stay behind; she knew that Natalia needed to do that on her own, and she knew that her presence there would only make things worse. But they had been becoming closer and closer the last few weeks, and Olivia really felt like they were a couple, even if they hadn't kissed yet, or anything.

For the first time in Olivia was completely content with her relationship, sure she wished it was more physical, but if it never came to that, she could be completely happy with that because the way Nat made her feel just by looking at her. The way she felt when Nat touched her hand was stronger than anything she had ever felt with anyone, no matter how physical it was.

"Olivia?" Natalia asked her, and it dragged Olivia back to reality, back to the present.

"I understand, Nat." Olivia had become quite comfortable calling Natalia, Nat. "My presence would only make things worse." Olivia knew that was the truth and it killed her. It killed her that she couldn't be there when Natalia needed her the most.

"Olivia, I…" Natalia started, but she couldn't find the words she was looking for. It was like something was blocking it. Maybe it was the moment, maybe it was the now or never feeling of the situation, maybe it was the fact that this could possibly be goodbye. She had no idea how things would turn out.

She knew that her leaving could lead to the possibility of losing Olivia forever, and that was a feeling she couldn't put into words. It was like losing a part of herself and that scared her that she and Olivia had become one in the way they had. She felt more connected to Olivia than she had ever felt to Gus, and he was Rafe's father. And that scared her as well.

Olivia was becoming her life, and Olivia and Emma had been her family for what seemed like forever to Natalia. It hadn't been more than a few months since they had confessed their true feelings for each other, yet Natalia had problems remembering how life was before she fell in love with Olivia. Her life with Olivia was all that mattered, and that might all be falling apart.

She could see the pain in Olivia's eyes and it was killing her, she wish she could take it away. Make it disappear. Make her see that she was the only one she had ever truly loved. That Olivia was the one she was supposed to be with. Olivia.

"Nat, you don't have to say anything" and Olivia meant it. It had been a time when all Olivia wanted was to hear Natalia put her feelings into words, but those words were no longer important. Her smile. Her eyes. Her touches. That was thing that told Olivia what was in Natalia's heart. And it was all that mattered.

Words were nothing more than that now; sure Natalia could tell Olivia that she loved her. But when she smiled at her with those dimples, that's when Olivia KNEW that Natalia loved her.

"Goodbye, Olivia" was all Natalia muttered before turning away from Olivia. "_I hope you know how much I love you." _She thought to herself.

But as Natalia turned away, Olivia grabbed her arm, and dragged Natalia towards her before she planted a kiss on her lips.

It wasn't like she had imagined and it was also way more public than a first kiss should be. But she knew it had been now or never. And the moment her lips had touched Natalia's she knew it had been right, and she also wondered what they had been so afraid of.

It was perfect, yet very simple. And Natalia hadn't pushed her away the moment their lips had touched either. Instead she could feel Natalia welcome the kiss, almost as it was second nature. Like it was something they were both meant to be doing.

And in many ways it surprised her, she hadn't been sure that Natalia would welcome it. She wasn't sure why, but something had told her Natalia wasn't ready, maybe she'd been wrong.

It was not mind-blowing, but it was special and it was important. As their lips continued to play that beautiful dance, Olivia knew it was destiny, and she didn't even believe in that. Not in the Josh & Reva kind of way, she had never thought she would have been worthy of that kind of love, and now she had it, and it felt like something she had never felt before. It was beautiful and she knew it was what she needed, it was they both needed.

However, it taste like goodbye, and Olivia prayed to God, something she very very rarely did, that it wasn't. It couldn't be. Olivia hated goodbyes, and she had had too many of them. She has believed it would be different this time, and maybe it was. Maybe she would never know, she had been ready to tell Natalia goodbye but it had become even harder now that she could feel Natalia's lips on hers after all this time.

But then she started to feel Natalia hesitating and then Natalia broke away from the kiss, looked at Olivia and asked, "Why did you do that? Here?" Natalia looked around, wondering if anyone could see, "Where everyone could see it?"

Olivia took a deep breath, and smiled at Natalia.

"Because it isn't about them, it's about us. And I needed you to know, I will be here when you come back. No matter how long it will take. You are my family, Natalia. You are my life. You are the love of my life, and I will wait for you."

"Olivia, I.." and again the words escaped Natalia, "Goodbye" was the only words she found, and she turned around but not before seeing the tears in Olivia's eyes as she muttered a goodbye back, and it broke Natalia's heart and she cursed herself for the fact that she was never the one that found the words that needed to be said, yet Olivia always knew what she needed to hear.

All the times over the past year, when Olivia had touched her heart, her soul with the way she talked to her. The way she knew Olivia knew her better than anyone. The way the most simple sentences and words could make her feel better.

And then she realized it didn't matter what she said, as long as she said what was in her heart, as long as she made sure that Olivia knew. So she turned around, just before stepping on the bus, she said, and loud enough for anyone interested to hear, because Olivia had been right.

It wasn't about all those other people, it was about them. It was about Olivia and her. And no one else matter, so she figured it was better to jump into it with both feet first.

"I love you too." She said, and as she saw the light go off in Olivia's eyes she knew it was the right words. So Natalia smiled and walked on the bus and said to herself, "I'll see you again, my darling, soon".

Olivia felt her heart swell with Natalia's confession, with her words of love in front of everybody. Not that it seemed like anyone cared, but that wasn't the important part. In many ways it was no official, they were a couple and in that moment, Olivia knew that everything would be okay.

Natalia would come home, and when she did, they would be a real family, in every way that counts.


End file.
